i have been trying SO hard. all weekend i battled that desperate feeling, and what do i get? it's monday afternoon and it's still here. i get little respites from it, but it always comes back. right now i'm overwhelmed by simultaneous feelings of loneliness, regret, guilt and worry.
yesterday wasn't too bad. i woke up, cleaned my room, did my taxes, and then did errands with richard all day. i went to yoga, and then we had a bbq at the house. overall, it was a pretty good day. so then why is it that i woke up this morning with a black cloud over my head? i don't get it! i have been taking good care of myself - not drinking too much, working out every day, and trying not to indulge the guy compulsions... and it's not making a difference.
i feel so overwhelmed. if i work this hard to make myself feel better and i still feel this bad, what's the point? i know that i just have to keep working and working and one day it will be better, but i don't know if i can wait. i'm so scared, and alone...
therapist says that it's just a feeling, and i should sit with it and recognize it for what it is - a feeling that is not reality. it's just SO hard to do that when my heart feels like it's imploding and i'm desperately reaching out for anyone to help distract me.
No comments:
Post a Comment