usually when i feel helplessly needy like i do right now, i run away or i give in to the feelings. either i run away to someplace like the gym, where i can do something active and healthy and for ME, or i end up calling/emailing/texting whichever guy i am feeling compelled towards at the moment. right now, i am feeling this urge in my chest, like a big rope is wrapped around my heart and is pulling me towards the computer. last night i gave in to the urge, and emailed him. he emailed back, but i am going to try VERY hard not to respond. it's not that i'm playing games, but it's that i want to know why i feel like this all the time. what is the real cause of these compulsions? is it that i won't feel ok if i don't have said guy in my life? or is it that i am so desperate for love that i can't hold back and just relax. it's crazy - i know that it's both healthier for me and more attractive to them if i am more in control and independent, but i can't seem to stop.
so, right now, i am just going to sit with it. my sports bras are wet so i can't run away to the gym, and i am going to try my very very hardest not to email. deep breaths. perhaps meditation will help?
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